Intimism, Chapter 14

[Standard Content Warning: This is an ABDL story blog, that means stories on this page contain diapers, diaper usage (like, lots of it), infantilism and the like! In addition, mental and physical manipulation, bondage and nonconsensual or dubiously consensual employment of all of the above themes and many others may also apply. Viewer discretion is advised.] 

Evie swallowed and scratched her head.

She had to make a decision, about what would happen to herself and what would happen to Amaya. But before that, she had one more thing to consider.

Did she believe Inara when she said she and Amaya were never getting off of this island? Well, to get to this island, people would have to actually step foot on the island and enter this house and she couldn’t dispute whatever strange power Inara had anymore. What if the police showed up and saw a sign that said [TURN AROUND AND LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK] and they just did it. What if Miss Nightingale came and Inara showed her a picture and she immediately started crying and messing herself too? Despite everything, Evie didn’t really think that was possible. Somebody as strong as Miss Nightingale couldn’t possibly be a victim of Inara’s weird powers, right?  That didn’t necessarily make any sense logically, but she still believed it. That if it came down to a battle of wills between Inara and Miss Nightingale, the latter would win.

She guessed that answered Inara’s question of who she thought was the “heroine” in this scenario. It also answered a lot of the lingering questions in Evie’s head. The more she thought about it, the more clear things became, actually.

“…you seemed pretty frustrated, before, when you realized I was refusing to do the assignment for Amaya’s sake,” she said. She stared down at the paper for a second, then looked at Inara. “That’s why, isn’t it?” She asked. “That’s why we’ve done…all of this. Because that was the choice you wanted me to make. It’s important to you that Amaya and I want this, isn’t it?”

Inara’s face didn’t change. She held that same soft smile she always had. Evie had to admit, if it was a poker face, it was a good one. She’d made the mistake of letting Evie see her get unnerved a couple times. That wasn’t happening here. But she did stop rubbing Evie’s hair. Before Evie could wonder if that was a tell, that same hand was offering her something - a crayon.

“I think that’s the end of our negotiation, my heart,” she said. “Now that you know what Amaya wants, what are you going to choose?” Evie stared at the crayon in her hand. She looked down at the paper in her own lap. Then she looked Inara in the eyes.

Her eyes narrowed into a frown. She took the paper in both her hands.

She made sure she was looking Inara in the eyes. She wanted Inara to see her face, and she wanted to look at Inara’s face as she tore the paper in half right in front of her.

The picture of Amaya fluttered to the ground in two halves. From the look in Evie’s eyes, it was obvious. It was defiance. Evie wouldn’t sacrifice her friend just to save herself. She also refused to “want” anything from Inara. She was simply choosing to go out on her own terms. Inara’s upper lip twitched slightly, but her smile never faded and she let out a soft laugh.

“I hope you’re okay with your choice, dear,” she said in a very quiet voice. Evie blinked a couple times. She thought she saw Inara moving further away. She waved her arms a bit as she realized she was losing her balance. She was just sitting there, not moving, but she still felt her equilibrium slipping.

Then, everything started getting kind of hazy.

…

After that, everything got…blurry. At one point, Evie was aware of lights and shapes moving around in front of her field of vision. She reached up a hand towards them. After a few minutes, she made out one of the shapes from its color and the way it bounced - it was MagiHeart Sun’s strawberry blond hair. She was staring at the TV. She tried to focus on that for a few minutes, but things got blurry again.

At one point, she felt something slip into her mouth. She automatically started sucking on it. Liquid poured into her mouth. It tasted good. She swallowed it and kept sucking. She blinked her eyes a couple of times and pointed them down. She focused her eyes as best she could and saw the bottle in her mouth. She didn’t try to follow it to the person holding it or figure out where she was or the position she was in. She just kept her eyes pointed at the bottle.  She tried to focus on the level of milk in the bottle, the way it gradually decreased the more she sucked on it….

She blinked a couple of times. She wasn’t drinking the bottle anymore. She thought she was in a different position, but she hadn’t ascertained what her position was in before, so she couldn’t be sure. She was aware that she was falling down. Then, she was going back up. She focused her eyes again and saw a harness over her shoulders. She saw she was in a large seat that was going up…and down…she was bouncing. Her stomach rumbled. Her body barely shifted as she felt her stomach twinge for the briefest of seconds before mess started flowing into her diaper. She fell down and felt her bottom squish into the mess as the flow briefly stopped. She went up and another wave started pushing out. She went down and it squished again, pushing up the back of her diaper and between her legs. She went up and pushed out another small wave. She went down and squished into it again.

She realized her body was fidgeting in her bouncer. Evie tried to figure out if she had been attempting to get out. But it wasn’t an attempt to get out. It wasn’t an expression of discomfort at the full, messy seat she kept sinking into. Her body had long since stopped expressing any unease at the state of her diapers. She started wetting herself as she went down again, squishing more mess towards the front of her diaper, which combined with her wetting, made the front of her diaper more wet and mushy and swampy. She realized as she went up, her body was leaning forward. She was actively trying to make her diaper more of a mess. Her body had turned all the way around and now found comfort in the warm, wet squishiness of her constantly full fairy diapers and was trying to mush it around as much as possible so she could enjoy bouncing in it.

She was being picked up out of the bouncer. It took her a moment to realize she didn’t know how long she’d bounced herself into her mess before she was picked up. She didn’t remember coming to a stop. Just one second, she was bouncing, then the next she was being plucked out. She looked up and expended the effort to focus her eyes. She saw a familiar pair of eyes and focused on those. It was Inara. Her mouth slowly opened.

“Pum…..” She murmured. Her pacifier was in her mouth. She had been sucking on it the whole time she’d been bouncing. “Poopy…” She muttered around it.

“Yes, you certainly are, my heart,” Inara said to her. “Did you enjoy bouncy time? It looked like you were having a lot of fun.” Evie felt the mess all over her bottom and between her thighs. She tried to pull together the words to ask Inara for a change.

“P…poopy….” She repeated, instead.

“Mmmmhm. I agree,” Inara said and stroked her head as she carried her off.

She was sitting down. She felt at her shoulders and felt straps over them. But she wasn’t bouncing, so she hadn’t been put back in the bouncer. She felt around some more and felt soft fluff surrounding her…her rocker chair? That was where she was, she was pretty sure. Something was moving in front of her. She didn’t think it was the MagiHearts, it was too close. She focused and saw something that was almost the MagiHearts - it was Amaya’s Moon doll, being held by Amaya. Amaya was playing dolls with her. Amaya gave her her Sun doll. She would put her hands on it. If she tried to pick it up, it would slip out of her hands and land in her lap. Sometimes, it would bounce off of her lap and land on the floor. She had to wait for Amaya to pick it up and give it back to her after that.

Her eyes slid open. She had been asleep. Dozed off. She didn’t wake up in her rocker chair or her crib, she was just curled up on the floor. She looked around. Her eyes eventually focused on something a short distance away. She remembered focusing in on it earlier - it had been MagiHeart Sun’s hair. She blinked a couple of times and squinted, trying to focus. She realized she was staring at her Sun doll, not the TV. She felt the desire to go get it. She uncurled herself from the floor and got to her knees. Then pushed herself up to her feet. She felt her dramatically full diapers sagging and wobbling as she tried to stay balanced. She lifted one of her feet to try and take a step. A second later, she was back on the ground. She got back to her knees and tried to put her foot underneath herself again - it wouldn’t go. She couldn’t push herself up.

She let out a noise into her pacifier and instead just shuffled forward on her hands and knees. She was crawling. That was the best she could do and as her full bottom swayed to the left and then to the right as she dragged herself along the carpet, it dawned on her that she wasn’t even particularly good at it.

‘….be easier to get carried…’ She realized. She looked around.

“Mmmph. Mmmmph…” She murmured into her pacifier as she stopped crawling. She tried to look around for Inara. She could carry her over to her Sun doll. Or maybe just bring the doll to her. But there were too many shapes floating around above her for her to figure out which one was Inara. She thought about being louder, maybe that’d get her attention, then she could just point to the doll….

Too much effort, either way. She grumbled and curled back up on the floor. She was still tired anyway. She set her head on the soft carpet. She briefly paused from closing her eyes when she heard a hissing noise, before realizing it was coming from her. She wiggled her butt a little when she then felt something pushing into the seat of her diaper, shifting around all the mess that was already there and making it push back a little bit more against her butt in turn.

‘Mmm…s’warmer now…’ Was the only opinion she had to express on that before she closed her eyes and dozed off again.

It took several more hours before she realized she’d spent so much energy focusing on getting her doll, failing to do so and concluding it would’ve been easier to just get Inara to do it for her.

‘I…I think I’m really slipping in and out, here,’ She thought to herself. ‘C…c’mon. C’mon. Focus, Evie. How long’s it been. How long has it been since we tore up the picture? Just…okay. First things first. Just find a clock and figure out how long it’s been.’

She turned her head to the left and then to the right. She saw something black and white. She remembered a wall clock in the living room, was that it? She saw something green and black. Was that the digital clock on the kitchen stove? She had to just pick one. Pick one and focus on it until you could read it…

“Mmmm…”

She was swallowing again. She tilted her eyes down. A bottle was in her mouth again. Wait. Hadn’t she just had a bottle? She was trying to find the clock, now. But she couldn’t be drinking another bottle this soon. But she was swallowing the milk down so eagerly. It felt good in her stomach. But her stomach was full from the last bottle, wasn’t it? Anyway, she was trying to find the clock.

“You’re really hungry, aren’t you, Evie?” She heard a voice - Inara. It was Inara - ask her. She let out another murmuring noise as she kept drinking. “That’s right, Evie loves her dinner…” Inara cooed and kissed the top of her head.

Dinner? That wasn’t…no, she had just torn up the paper a few minutes ago. Then she’d had the bottle…now she was…

‘I think…I think…’ It took so much more effort to keep her thoughts together than it should’ve right now. That…was a problem, right? She was having a hard time just summoning the power to think. She was aware enough to feel like maybe she should start panicking about this, but she just felt a weird calmness closing in on her instead.

She was pretty sure…this was the end of the line.

“Is Evie going to bed already?” She heard a voice ask - Amaya, right? Yeah….yeah. That was Amaya.

“Mmmmn.” That was…Inara. She’d just heard that one. That was Inara. “Remember how she needed an extra naptime?”

“Yeah…”

“She needs bedtime right after dinner now, too. You’ll still be able to play with her, but she needs a lot of sleep, now. She’s going to be going to bed sooner than you now, you know how to do bedtime without waking her up, right?”

“Yeah…yeah, I think so. I won’t wake her up.”

“Good girl.”

Her eyes slid closed. When they opened again, it was dark. Her head was on her pillow. She turned her head this way and that.

‘Am…am I here? Is this real?’ She asked herself. She wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like she was going to get an answer. But she was pretty sure she was…awake? Lucid? She didn’t even know the right words to define where she was, anymore. And even if she did, she didn’t know if she was gonna be able to remember them.

She just laid there, breathing in and out through her nose for a few seconds, waiting for everything to change. But…everything stayed the same. She thought maybe the darkness helped. It was just…darkness. No colors and shapes that she had to focus on. She wondered if closing her eyes might help her concentrate in the future, but quickly realized two problems with that. One, if she closed her eyes, she was liable to just fall asleep. Two…

‘I….I dunno how much future is left in front of me,’ She thought. ‘I think…I think this is it, isn’t it?’

She couldn’t really move. She couldn’t really communicate. She’d dealt with both of those to varying degrees already, but now she couldn’t even really think clearly anymore. It felt like everything was going past her and she couldn’t grab onto it. Was she a….bystander? A prisoner in her own body? She didn’t even know anymore. Whatever she was right now…she didn’t think it particularly mattered either.

‘She’s…Inara’s gonna give me another assignment tomorrow….’ Evie realized. Inara had said whatever the assignment was tomorrow would have to be simpler…if there was one at all. She had a feeling there would be one. She had wondered a lot about what the end of all of this would look like. She didn’t think this was the bottom. But she was pretty sure she could see it from here.

‘Whatever assignment Inara gives me tomorrow…when I fail it. That’s gonna be it, isn’t it?’ That would be the end of her. The end of Evie Callahan, the girl who was guarded by Amaya Nightingale, went to university for art and wanted to open a gallery. And the beginning of…whatever it was Inara wanted her to be.

She couldn’t help but wonder about the choice she’d made. Maybe…maybe Amaya would’ve been happy like this. She’d said she wanted this. Maybe if she’d just colored in that page, Amaya would’ve been happy and Evie could’ve at least held onto herself instead of staring into oblivion like she pretty sure she was now. That was what Inara had been trying to convince her of. She hated thinking it, but right now, all of this felt pretty pointless. Like she’d sacrificed herself for nothing. Maybe Inara had just been right.

Light entered the room, from the hallway. She was focused enough that she recognized Inara’s voice, lightly shushing Amaya as she carried it in. The bars of the crib came down. Amaya wasn’t changed before bed. Evie guessed not waking her up gave Inara a new excuse not to change Amaya, not that she expected Amaya to have any kind of issue with that. Amaya was laid down, had her doll placed in her arms and got a kiss goodnight from Inara. The bars went back up. She felt Amaya’s eyes on her. She turned her head and looked at Amaya too. The two of them just stared at each other for a moment.

As the door closed and darkness covered the entire room again, Evie felt something. It wasn’t the strange, eerie calm she’d felt before when she realized the end was coming. It was something else. It was resolve. In that moment, she knew she hadn’t made the wrong choice. She felt it in her chest, giving her strength. Just a little bit of strength.

She used it to raise her arm and grab her pacifier. And pop it out of her mouth. She took in a breath through her mouth for the first time in…she wasn’t sure how long. Since she’d torn up that picture, she was pretty sure.

“….Amaya,” she said. Her voice came out barely above a whisper. It took all of her energy just to focus enough to speak. But she had to push on.

“Evie…?”  Amaya said in response. Amaya swallowed. “I’m…I’m sorry I yelled last night. I didn’t mean to—“

“Don’t be sorry,” Evie interrupted. For one thing, however bad Inara felt about yelling at her, Evie was sure she felt worse about yelling at her and then sitting on her.  But that was besides that point. “It’s…it’s okay,” she said. She thought she saw Amaya’s eyes widening. Shock? Confusion? She didn’t know. She couldn’t spare the energy to parse it out. “It’s okay if you want to be a baby,”  she said. “But even if that’s what you want, you still have to get away from here. You still have to get outta here and get back home. Because if this is what you want….” 

She trailed off. She closed her eyes, took in a breath, forced the thought that was trying to drift away to come back. 

“If that’s what you want…it should be with your own mom. I know you love your mom…and I know your mom loves you and would miss you if you were gone. Your mom loves you way more than Inara does. Your mom will love you no matter what, but Inara…Inara says she loves you unconditionally, but she only loves you if she can make you be a certain version of you.”

She took in a breath. She’d pretty sure she’d almost knocked herself unconscious by saying the word ‘unconditionally’. She breathed out and pushed on.

“Even if…even if you just get away by yourself, and you’ve gotta leave me behind, it’s…” She took in a couple more breaths. She was running out of steam. That brief burst of resolve and the strength it had brought with it was gone. But she had to push through. She needed Amaya to hear this. “…It’s okay. But you gotta get back…you gotta get back to your mom…”

That was it. The next time she tried to say something, she just murmured a wordless nothing. It was too bad. Part of her really, really hoped that this was the last time she saw Amaya. And if that was the case, she had more she wanted to say. But it was just gonna have to go left unsaid, she supposed.

Her eyes wouldn’t open back up. She was drifting off again. Her last thought as she fall asleep was that she knew there would be an assignment waiting for her in the morning. She knew she was going to decide to fail that assignment.

And she was okay with it.